Thursday, January 26, 2012

Middle School Wisdom

Words of wisdom from middle schoolers who have been there, done that. Listen wisely, Grasshopper, lest you repeat the same errors.

1. If you are crazy hungry, and chocolate is your thing, be careful if you find the librarian's stash of chocolate brownie Fiber One bars. When you take four of them and eat them all at once during the passing period, your sins will betray you soon in the form of multiple and urgent trips to the bathroom.

2. Dye a wild blue streak in your hair. When your principal sends you home with the admonition to not come back until it's a natural hair color, dye it  blonde. Then, when your friends tell you "it just doesn't look like you", dye it jet black. Do not let it surprise you when your hair that is now the texture of aged straw falls out in chunks. But don't despair. The bald look might become the new in thing.

3. You see rappers on MTV who have shaved sections of their eyebrows off. You replicate their deed, because come on, face it, rappers are the shizz and the arbiters of high fashion. You get to school and are pulled into the principal's office. Your dad arrives at school after the principal's call to him. He has strong words to say about your rappers. He asks the principal for a black Sharpie marker. She gives him one. Your dad then colors in your eyebrows with the black Sharpie. It is a risky move to let your dad color in your eyebrows when he's angry because now you are a dead ringer for Groucho Marx.

4. You know your teacher has serious rodent trauma. She's told your class how she freaks when she sees one. Do not be surprised, then, when you decide to prank her by putting a realistic plastic rat on her desk chair that she steps on both your feet  hard as she runs screaming past you out the classroom door.

5. You sneak a forbidden cell phone into class and hide it in the left side of your bra. You congratulate yourself in first period math class because you even remembered to turn the ringer off. Think quickly when you realize the phone is set to vibrate and that it does so repeatedly until the teacher stops teaching and stares at you. Tell her you had a heart pacemaker installed over the weekend and that's what is actually doing the vibrating. Those teachers are gullible. They'll believe anything you tell them.

6.  Become aware after class has started that someone around you has stepped in dog poop on the way to school. People are sniffing and contorting their faces in disgust. Crack a loud joke about what kind of a loser steps in dog poop and doesn't even know it. As the teacher tracks the dog poop from the door straight to your desk, peek at the bottom of your shoe and  realize that loser is YOU.

7.  You are naive and you look up to your older brother who is full of worldly knowledge. When your teacher assigns the class to write a poem near Valentine's Day, ask your brother's help in finding just the right word to describe a unique present a boy can give to a girl to win her love. When you read the poem in class and the teacher turns red and gasps and some of the other kids snicker in shock, take the time to realize you shouldn't have been so trusting. Your teacher hands you a dictionary and you know then your prankster brother has actually given you a word that describes a very specific sexual act.

Learn from the stories of those who have gone before you, wise middle schoolers. Ignore not the lessons from the past.

44 comments:

  1. HA!! Oh those wise and full of wisdom middle schoolers. It's no wonder I'm not as smart as they are, I haven't graduated from Preschool yet!

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    1. Saimi: It's been 29 years and I still haven't graduated from middle school yet!

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  2. Serious rodent trauma? Hmmmm. Does that mean you're gonna unfriend me, Shelly? (LOL)

    I take it all of these episodes are based on your own teaching experiences. If so then you've pretty much seen it all during your years in the profession. When I think back to my school days in the 50s and early 60s there was much more voluntary conformity. Kids who tried to dye their hair or dress outside the norm were not part of the in crowd as they are today. Of course the vast majority of our role models were clean cut in those days. There were no tatoos or no piercing except for earrings and that wasn't until high school. I don't remember kids playing pranks on teachers, at least not at my school. Naturally there weren't any pagers or phones or other gadgets to distract us in the classroom or anywhere else. There was a story on the local news this morning about a pretty cheerleader who was killed in an auto crash because she got distracted while talking to friends on the phone. It's reaching the point where modern technology is doing more harm than good. It can undermine education, circumvent real human communication, and it can kill.

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    1. Shady: Dear friend, you are the only rodent that doesn't traumatize me! The pranking, thankfully, didn't happen to me, but to a fellow teacher. The cell phone has brought many wonderful uses with it, but it is tragically lethal all too often.

      I was trying to remember what we used to get into trouble for when I was in school. I would get into trouble for reading when I was supposed to be doing math, but most other offenses were for talking and gum. I don't know what we would have done then had we had the technology and gadgets kids have these days. I even had to explain to my daughter how a turntable worked and how to put a record on it. She thought it was such a novel thing!
      Have a wonderful day, my friend-

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  3. My middle school wisdom would've been almost as awful as the child who had the dad fill in the chunk of eyebrow with a marker. After wks of threatening me she would come to school and bring me home to rectify my sins my Mother turned up in the Principals office where i was called. She then explained she was there to bring me home to make my unmade bed. I did...and believe me those detentions for leaving school for an unacceptable excuse and the embarrassment of the episode have turned me into a morning bed maker. Always and forever...
    PS I'm pretty sure she and the Principal were in cahoots they had a connection as he was my Dad's teacher when he was in high school. He always gave me a small smile from that point on...
    PSS I learned from my Mother never as a parent threaten to do what you aren't willing to follow up...
    Hugs~

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    1. Sush: Oh, the horror! I can only imagine how terribly embarrassing that was! Your mom sounds much like my mom. And, I'll never forget the time my dad caught me skipping class when I was in high school- he was the principal. Ugh!!!

      But, you're right- a parent should always be able to back up what the say. Idle threats do more harm than good.

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    2. Sush! That is a GREAT idea! My 13 y/o is not going to be happy about this. (Evil grin....)

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  4. "Wise Middle Schooler" seems like an oxymoron to me. Great wisdom and laughs, for sure. Too cute!! :-)

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    1. Sweet Tea: You are so right- it is an oxymoron of the highest order! But, their little adventures just endear them to me all the more. That is one funny age!

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    1. wheatgerm: Just beware of too many of those Fiber One bars in one sitting. That kid like to never have come out of the bathroom-

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  6. Ahhhh, there's nothin' quite like Middle School where the hormones flow and the teachers are all menopausal.

    I know, I was Middle School Special Ed! Heeehehhe!

    There were priceless sweetie!

    God bless ya and have a phenomenal day!!! :o)

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    1. Nezzy: We come from the same world! You speak my language! You especially deserve extra stars in your crown in heaven- special ed can be so rewarding, but also a minefield. Blessings to you, my friend!

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  7. I have two middle-schoolers in my home right now. Girls, even!! It's a trial, I assure you. But yes, their stories make me laugh out loud some days. My younger daughter told me just the other day about her math class in which all the kids were having a hard time with the day's lesson. She very innocently raised her hand and said to the teacher, "I don't want to be rude or anything, but I think you need to do a better job explaining it to us." GAH! What manners she has! :)

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    1. Oh, the joys of middle school girls! How funny- I'm sure the teacher had a laugh- I would have! But, really, there's no other age like middle school. Never, ever a dull moment~

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  8. It is heartening to learn that while the technologies may change the people don't, bless their hearts. Kids in their wisdom still do kid stuff, and teachers, and I am serious here: God bless them, still hold the fort.

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    1. Vanilla: You are absolutely correct, and thank you!

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  9. Oh, Shelly, I just love this post! Only someone with your experience could conjure up such a treasure trove of young adolescent wisdom!

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    1. Dr. Kathy: I'm convinced a new hit tv show would be Survivor: Middle School!

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  10. Ah, middle school...So many lessons learned there. My youngest son bleached his hair, then later decided to die it "blue black." The only problem came when the (yellow) bleach reacted with the blue in the blue/black, his hair turned green - just in time for St Patrick's Day. It was awesome.

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    1. Karen: Ha! At least he didn't get pinched! Kids aer so adventurous with their hair colors- I'm much more boring, but at least mine doesn't fall out from overprocessing.

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  11. These are great stories. Love the one about the brother who wrote the love poem! I tried to turn my hair blond and it went bright orange like a pumpkin. I finally had to dye it back to brown.

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    1. Belle: Oh, we never know what a particular color will do to our hair. I have highlights, and never do it myself. There's no telling what would happen if I attempted that myself!

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  12. Hi, Dearest Shelly.
    "Learn from the stories of those who have gone before you, wise middle schoolers. Ignore not the lessons from the past."
    I think this phrase must show your feeling. I can guess the shift of the situatuin in the troubles which schools have recently. You might get into more serious trouble compared to about a dacade ago when these things were innocent. I've noticed the change in the kids behavior after pc got become widely used.
    I learned the word "oxymoron" from your friend's comment. I like the way you wrote to amuse us, my friend.
    Blessing to you, xoxo Miyako*

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  13. Miyako: I know this post was in a much sillier vein that what I usually do, but I thought these things were kind of amusing and thought I'd pass them on. Yes, there is much that is different in schools and in kids these days, but I think deep down, they still struggle with the same things we used to struggle with.

    I'm so glad you stopped by today, my dear friend, and I hope you have a wonderful evening!

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    1. Hi, Dearest Shelly.
      Oh, how silly of me(*^_^*)
      I must have tried to read the meaning behind what you wrote. I have put too much thought, haha.
      Thanks to your reply, I reread it with more comfortable feeling and enjoyed it.
      Thank you very much for your really generous words for my sort of inept comment.
      Love you always, xoxo Miyako*

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    2. Dear friend Orchid: Your comment was in no way inept! My day is always, always brightened when I see a comment by you. Thank you for being a treasured friend to me!

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  14. Ha Ha! Timeless wisdom, for sure! :D

    Thank you so much for your kind comment on my sad post from Tuesday. I've been feeling much better and you blog friends are such a blessing to me! :)

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    1. Jenn June: They are truly the font of knowledge, as was I when I was that age! I am so glad you are feeling better- we all have those days and it's good to have folks remind us of what is good.

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  15. Great stories Shelly. The one about the brothers reminds me of an episode of the televsion show called Scubs, when turks brother writes the notes for the groom and it turned out that it was taken from a movie. Why do borhters do that to each other?

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  16. Munir: It seems the worst jokes are the ones played by siblings on each other. I think that younger boy has now wised up to the ways of his brother...at least I hope he has!

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  17. This was so, so great!! I laughed! Middle school and those early teen years can be tough. Loved, loved your stories.

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    1. Kelley: I would never want to relive those middle school years, but they are interesting to observe!

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  18. The power to bring joy bubbling up inside a person through storytelling is a form of energy sought after and attempted by many. You beam it. We love it.

    Once my mother called the school and I was summoned to come to the office. She was calling to report that my cat was in the process of giving birth to a litter of kittens behind the refrigerator. She was so excited that she couldn't wait to tell me at home. I remember being embarrassed at having to go to the office and relieved that no one asked me about it. From my perspective now as a homeschooling mom, I can understand why it was an event worth interrupting academics. I'm glad that my mom cared about life events as much as she cared about my academic success. But those middle school years come with loads of insecurity and potential embarrassment. We're all lucky to survive that time in life. I'm so glad that these kids have you to help them through.
    P.S. I also used to have rodent trauma. The cure is to hike with black bears.

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    1. Janny: Oh, I love your mom and that she was thoughtful enough to do that, but I completely understand how horrified you must have been. Our embarrassment meters work overtime at that age. My dad was princinpal and then superintendent, and it was extra torture for me, or so I thought, when people found out. I always tried to keep it a secret, and it never worked.

      Thank you for encouraging me with such kind words- I was kind of thinking I shouldn't have posted something so silly, but you made me feel loads better!

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    2. Jenny: I need to learn to wear my glasses when I am typing your name!

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  19. I was fortunate that my school experience was calm and did not have the strange sights seen today. I sure enjoyed reading all this wisdom though

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    1. Odie: Those middle school years are the ones I wouldn't want to relive!

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  20. FINALLY!

    I read the first one yesterday and then had to go...and didn't get back til today to finish--it's 9pm!

    Those were hilarious, love the groucho marx one!!

    OH, and Fiber One!! We call something that happens about 4-5 hours after eating a Fiber One Bar, "Fiber One Farts" and if you have 2 Fiber Ones, it is sure to be the D word!!

    My husband and his brothers and even his work partner actually plan when they eat Fiber ONe bars to try to "get" eachother...MEN!!

    Thanks for sharing those words of wisdom!

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    1. Jamie: Not only did that kid have the Groucho Marz eyebrows that day, but his dad did it everyday for about 10 days, until he started getting some regrowth. It looked ridiculous!

      Thos Fiber One bars- how funny about your husband and those guys- I could NEVER see women doing that! Ha!

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  21. Well, I bet that kid never shaved any of his body parts again!

    About Fiber One, I always have to plan to only eat one for a bedtime snack, so IF I fart, I'm sleeping!!hahah!! They do have a great way of making a person regular! TMI, I know....
    You are right, though, women don't do that. I do feel sorry for my husband's partner's wife, she works in the office doing bookeeping with them! (she did move her desk to a different room, I'm pretty sure this is one of the reasons why)

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    1. Jamie Jo: You are too funny!!! I was rolling!!! And, I think that kid will be glad to let his eyebrows grow into a unibrow!

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  22. I have been laughing out loud at 6AM reading this...the Groucho Marx eyebrows take the cake. I have a mom who would have done the same thing, had I been brave enough to shave them off. These days, I just wish I had more eyebrows of any kind. :D

    We had a pet rat, and pet lizards when we were kids (mom wouldn't let us have dogs or cats), so I would have totally pulled that prank on the teacher and laughed. Even with sore feet.

    When I was in grade school, a group of us bought an Ex Lax bar (the kind that used to look like a chocolate bar) and gave it to one of the kids in our group. I kind of felt bad when he missed two days of school. And we all knew why.

    I loved this post... :D

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    1. Cath: Oh, that Ex Lax joke- I remember someone in high school baking it into some brownies and giving it to a teacher. Whooo! I'm glad I wasn't that teacher.

      Your mom sounds like my mom- didn't get away with anything!

      You are the brave one- I can't do rodents anymore at all.

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