Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Bits O' Wisdom

There is wisdom in everyday life we often miss. These are tiny bits I've gleaned here and there I hope will enrich your life.

1. In the dark of the early morning, when you step out the back door into the pitch darkness, make sure the sweet cat you are talking to in your meow voice and reaching down to pet is actually a cat. It's a different feeling altogether when the large, fuzzy shape rubbing near your leg turns out to be a POSSUM instead of the cat.

2. Realize that when you read a poetry passage to 8th graders that includes the phrase "city shapes", it is all too easy to switch the first sounds of the two words if you are reading rapidly. Your 8th graders will never forget that poem, either.


3. When in a clothing store with your friend, and she picks up a top and makes a very bawdy joke that has something to do with anyone wearing it needing to find employment as a streetwalker, have a convenient hole to crawl into when a third friend walks out from a rack just behind you two and is wearing the same top.

4. It is the twelfth hour of a two day, 12 hour school board workshop on school finance, and you have actually dropped into a quick doze while sitting at the table. Be snappy with the explanation that you were just meditating on the previous point when the presenter asks you for your opinion on the point of law he's just covered. Your fellow school board members will awaken themselves quickly enough to agree with you.


5.  When you are running with your middle school girls' fitness class along the country roads surrounding your school, and you spot a still-wrapped condom on the side of the road,  don't congratulate yourself too quickly when you covertly kick it into the ditch as you run past. Don't be surprised, either, when at the end of your run as you are talking with the principal in the gym, an innocent 6th grader comes up and says, "Ma'am, you dropped this on our run, " and hands you the same condom you kicked into the ditch.


What bits of wisdom do you have for us today? Don't be shy!

60 comments:

  1. 1. When walking out in the yard and you spot a root from a stump above ground don't kick it until you verify you have hard toed shoes on.

    Great post Shelly

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    1. Odie: Ouch! That's quite a valuable lesson~

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  2. Always remember that when someone compliments you it means they are about to ask you to do something. Great post.

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    1. Stephen: Oh yes- the prime the pump maneuver...

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  3. I hope you learned your lessons young lady!!

    Thanks for the laughs this morning!! I really thought you were going to say that the condom ended up stuck to your running shoe!!! I can't help but laugh at that one the most, I don't know why. OH, the possum one, thank goodness it was a possum and not a skunk!!!

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    1. Jamie: Ha! I'll probably never remember all that is thrown my way...

      I would have DIED if it has stuck to my shoe- oh, gosh- what a scenario!

      Now you have me really laughing!

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  4. I have nothing for you, Shell, as to date, I've yet to learn.

    :-)

    Pearl

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    1. Pearl: I've been enrolled in the school of hard knocks for a long time now...

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  5. When you're wife returns home after secretly visiting an expensive salon, having her hair washed, colored, cut and styled and getting a manicure, a pedicure and a facial, walks in the door and asks, "Notice anything different?" Do NOT. Repeat, DO NOT point out that she's getting an awfully late start cooking your dinner.

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    1. Shady: Oh...no....tell me you didn't....but you did, and lived! Whew- I'll bet that's something you or any husband who's done that will never, ever repeat!

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  6. Shelly, I love the critter at dawn. Thankful it did not attack you!
    These are all great and made my day.

    It has been awhile since anything has happened to me.

    My teenager would say:
    "Do not walk near my pregnant mother in Target because she might fart so loud we have to escape to a side isle from embarrassment!" true story.

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    1. Christine: Oh, gosh, that is hilarious! Teens are so picky anyway about parental embarrassments I can just see how this would go down- ha!!!

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  7. I love all your embarrassing moments! My bit of wisdom is to NOT assume the huge iguana on your front step is a plastic toy left outside by the boy next door. Even if you live in Canada.

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    1. Belle: Oh.my.goodness. I would have run clear across Canada if that had happened to me~

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  8. Gosh, I would have died the moment I realized that cat was a possum!
    My wisdom also includes pre dawn activity. Number one, wear shoes and carry a flashlight when going out on the back porch to feed the cat. In the last two weeks, my bare feet have landed in things too disgusting to mention here. Number two: when pretending to be the Easter Bunny, don't wear your best hiking boots with the deep grooves, otherwise known as dog doodie collecting cavities. Wear disposable footwear at all times while going out of the house before sunrise.

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    1. Jenny: I have done the same thing in stepping outside in bare feet and right into whatever dismembered offerings the cats have left at the back door- ugh!!!

      The boots are hilarious- and then how can you get it all out???? Haaa!!!

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  9. These are SOOOO funny, Shelly! My personal favorite has to be s*itty sapes. I mean, city shapes.

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    1. Kelley: And it would have to be a moment they were all listening and will remember long enough to tell their grandchildren about...

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    2. Right! Ha! That's how it always works. Glad you linked this up with #findingthefunny this week. So appropriate!

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  10. Number 5 is very funny! lol sandie

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    1. Sandie: It was certainly not what I was expecting her to be handing me!

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  11. Number 5 really was the funniest I can just imagne that happening, kids they are just so open and honest and they say the funniest things don't they. Really the things some teachers must hear..........

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    1. Jo-Anne: I think some parents would faint dead away if they only knew some of the things their kids say at school~

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  12. Dearest Shelly,
    It was such interesting post for me to read again♪♪♪
    For Number1, it might be a raccoon dog instead of possum p;) And like others said, OMG for number5. (*^_^*) Oh, thank you very much for the smile in the morning.

    PS> I really am grateful for your kind and encouraging comments for me, my friend!!! Have a lovely week, xoxo Miyako*

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    1. Orchid: I'm so glad to see you here today! I'm hoping your dad is doing better and you are getting some rest. And yes, number 5 was something I was not expecting at all! Thank you for stopping by, my friend~

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  13. Ha! Great post Shelly!! Always love a good laugh!!

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  14. I have no wisdom. I'm too busy laughing. Bwahahahaha!

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    1. Karen: Apparently, I never learn, so I don't have any at all!

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  15. This gave me a good laugh, and don't we all need that??
    My hubby always goes to sleep in church, yet wakes up when we have to stand to sing a hymn? I don't get concerned over it any more as I just hope the message feeds into his subconscious? Perhaps our Pastor thinks Ray is meditating..LOL..I hope so.

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    1. Crystal Mary: At least he knows when to stand- that's good! I was on my way to a deep sleep when he called on me- so glad I didn't tumble out of the chair or anything~

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  16. I love those tidbits. I have one from my older sister. Never put a blind man with a can on an escalator. She thought she was helping but didn't notice his cane or his disability until she heard him go whoaaaaaohhhhhh as he descended the escalator. She ran and hid.

    Sad bad tale....he did survive is all I can add.

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    1. Sush: Oh my, oh my! I am laughing with gusto! Poor blind man, but oh, how funny!!!

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  17. LOL on #6; can't get away with anything can you :) I think wisdom like you have learned to share with us is great wisdom indeed to impart upon us :)

    betty

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    1. Betty: Never know when we'll have to use these lessons, right??!!

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  18. ACK! The condom one made me gasp aloud. And then giggle. How horribly AWKWARD!

    I will be sure to avoid discussed s*^ty shapes. :)

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    1. Crystal: It was downright bizarre! And then it made me wonder who'd tossed/ lost it on the side of the road...

      I am oh so careful now to slow down a little when I am reading. At least they will always remember that poem.

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  19. Oh Oh OH .....I once was given as a joke by a friend from school a "black condom" and I was so embarrased I just slam dunk that thing in my school jacket, and then forgot about it...well when spring came around ... Mom was collecting our coats / jackets to take to cleaners and she went to clean out the pockets and found the condom....of course she was waiting at the front door for me after school.....young lady you have some explaining to do !!!!! cough cough ...giggle giggle ....but she was serious!

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    1. Rhonda: Oh, I feel your pain! Your poor mom- I'm sure she had a million thoughts running through her head waiting for you to get home...

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  20. This morning I am thinking that my best piece of advice is don't stay at book club until after 11:00 when your kids need to get up at 6:00 the next morning. :)

    I really hope that you write a book someday, Shelly. Fiction, biography, whatever...it would be great!

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    1. Felt Family: Oh, I hear you- those books clubs can be so much fun, though! And, thank you for your always sweet encouragement. It means so much!

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  21. So good. I love the condom karma.

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  22. I LOVE it all.
    Best laugh I've had all day!!
    Love your blog!

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  23. The last one is really funny.
    I was thinking of you a lot lately, about the storm. How is every thing?
    They showed beautiful shots of Blue Bonnet Fields on the television. I quickly told my husband that one of my blogger friends lives in Texas. I hope she is enjoying them.

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    1. Munir: Hello, my friend! Thankfully, the worst of the storms missed us, but we had friends whose homes got battered. Thankfully no injuries. The bluebonnets are spectacular- in fact, I've been posting lots of pictures of this year's bluebonnets from around Texas on Facebook. I wish they could last all year long. Thank you!

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  24. Glad I came back to read this post. That last one really made me smile!

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    1. Bossy Betty: I've learned to expect the unexpected with them~

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  25. This was a delight! I'm waiting while some students are testing and I snorted outloud at the last one! oops.

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    1. Chantel: I so was not expecting her to hand me that!

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  26. hahaha yes, I know what you mean.
    fun post!
    happy weekend blogging buddy!

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  27. #2 was too funny!

    I learned when it's dress in blue day, stop the fifth grader before he shows other students his underwear is blue too.

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    1. Theresa: Oh, how funny! I can just see a kid doing that~

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  28. Shelly,

    Look at me! I'm commenting!

    I laughed through all of these. Number #1 and #5 are my favorite though.

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    1. Becky: So glad you stopped by! I don't know if I'll ever live down #5...

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  29. The possum and city shapes are my favorite. Found you at finding the funny.

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    1. Sparkling: I still can't believe how CLOSE my hand came to touching that possum...
      Thanks for stopping by!

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