"Wench! Hey you! Can you hear me?"
My ears perked up. Although I don't usually answer to "wench", I was in a new area in the library, the wifi area, and I was unfamiliar with the greeting protocol there.
"Your f*!#*&% minions are all in my 'shrooms! What do you think you're doing? Get them out of my 'shrooms before the gremlins are alerted!" he angrily rasped.
I hadn't any minions or gremlins or 'shrooms, so I exhaled, relieved he wasn't addressing me. I sneaked a peek at the agitated, grizzled man near me as he continued to talk animatedly into a blue tooth device, possibly about the computer game he was playing.
A woman in a blue Corona tank top stretched so tightly over a generous belly that its threads must have been holding on to each other only by their good intentions settled heavily into a table beside me. She pulled a laptop out of her shoulder bag and hacked into the crook of her elbow as she set a lighter on the table next to her. She wiggled and jerked at the hem of her shorts, wedged precariously high and sailing the high seas of cellulite.
I continued my blog reading and tried to type out a comment to my friend Pearl's funny blog, but was distracted when the 'shroom man cackled. "Oh, my little lovely...you don't know who you're up against! Enter into my dominion, try to enchant me, and I'll strip you of both your lives!" (And Pearl, now you know why I typed the opposite of what I mean on my comment on your blog- I'd entered into the wrong dominion.)
The Corona woman hacked again into her arm, this time so heavily it took her a few minutes to catch her wind. I watched carefully to make sure she was going to recover and she nodded her head my way. "I swear, one of these days something I need is going to come up and out when I cough!" She turned back to her screen, wheezing.
A middle aged man with a pompadour and a tatted message on his forearm too lewd to print here sat at the table catty corner from me and turned on a tablet. Eyes glued to the screen, his face slowly creased into a smile as I caught a glimpse on his screen of what can only be described as a weird sort of porn. He looked up and winked at me.
With that, I packed up my stuff and headed to the office of the technology director of the library. He wasn't in, but I mentally noted some questions I want to ask him.
And that my friends, brings me to why I will be able to blog only sporadically, if at all, for a couple of weeks. We are experiencing internet problems at home (again), although we are paying enough money for it every month that we could probably fund a couple of third world countries back into solvency. Without mentioning the carrier coughcough*sprint*coughcough, they say it has to do with our rural area and we are imprisoned into a contract with them. Our son-in-law, IT man extraordinaire, and our daughter are coming to visit in a couple of weeks, and I am relying on his expertise to help us out of this.
In the meantime, I'm using my slow and clumsy phone, and when I'm brave enough, the wifi area in the library for internet access. Please forgive me if I don't comment as often as I usually do on your terrific blogs. Even if I don't get back to posting on my own blog for a while, I will be reading, and when I can, commenting on yours.