Friday, September 2, 2011

How to Entertain Your Teacher on a Field Trip

Dude, listen up. If you're a teenager going on a field trip, especially a 13 hour one, here are some cool things you can do to entertain your teachers. Those teachers work hard for you, and they deserve some fun in their lives.

1. In the dark hours of the morning before the sun has come up, open the sack lunch your mom made for you. Pry open the sandwich, see that it is tuna, decide you don't want it, and stick the sandwich under your seat. Later on in the day, when the temperature is over 100 and the bus air conditioner has quit working, your teacher will have a great time searching for what is creating that crazy smell.

2. With a group of your friends, sing The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars over and over and over and over and over again until it sticks so well in your teachers' brains they cannot get it out of their heads and are haunted by it. They need good music in their lives, too.

3. Especially if you are male, engage your other male classmates in a silent-but-deadly fart off contest. It is automatic disqualification if any one makes a noise with it. Your teacher will appreciate you keeping those around you quiet.

3. In the restroom of the museum, wait until your teacher is fully engaged in her stall. Then, loudly yell out, "OMG! Annie just walked out of the museum with a strange man!" Annie is your best friend in the 8th grade and you don't want to see harm come to her. When your teacher bolts out of the bathroom stall, wild-eyed, and Annie walks out of another stall in the bathroom, just shrug and say, "Oops, my bad. Must have been someone else." Teachers need more excitement in their lives.

4. In the middle of a freeway you and your class are having to cross on foot in one of the largest cities in the U.S., stop in the center of the freeway, place your folder between your knees and take your jacket off to readjust it. Move slowly when your teacher implores you to hurry. Your rural upbringing has made you savvy to the ways of traffic in large cities and you want your teacher to know you are mature enough to handle it.

5. Repeatedly motion to passing 18 wheelers to honk their loud diesel horns. This will break up the monotony of a quiet bus and your teacher will appreciate you keeping it lively.

6. If a classmate in the back of the bus throws up in the aisle, stare at it as it sloshes past long enough so that you throw up, as well. Your teacher will be happy that her lesson about empathy for others has taken hold in your heart.

7. When your bus driver drops your group off at a Jack in the Box that is a gathering place for scary/homeless/tranny/crackheads, smile widely at some of the citizens therein while your teachers organize the back of the line. When one approaches you and begins talking nonsense, remember your teacher's admonition to you not to talk to strangers. Reach in your backpack and find the information paper on the field trip you were supposed to have given your mom, you know, the one with your teacher's personal cell phone number on it. Give it to the crackhead tranny, because this person probably just wants information on your trip.

8. Later, on the bus ride home, when your teacher's cell phone rings and she becomes agitated, hangs up, and asks who gave a crackhead her phone number, let her know that it is probably the cool person you met at the Jack in the Box. She's been teaching you all about characterization, and she will be happy that you found a very interesting person to write about.

9. Write a note of thanks to your teachers for taking you and your classmates on the field trip and get everyone to sign it. You've had a great day and you want them to know it.

10. Smile widely when you see how much it has melted their hearts.

37 comments:

  1. I was hoping you'd blog about your field trip, Shelly. If all of this craziness actually took place then it surely was a memorable day and you have yourself a movie script. Ahhh yes, one of life's greatest pleasures is to ride for hours on a hot, crowded bus with no air conditioning and inhale a blend of disgusting odors. I'm sure those horses in San Antonio would seem like a bouquet of roses by comparison. Thanks for another entertaining post, Shelly, and for cracking me up with your zinger over on Sush's site!

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  2. Shady: All happened on the field trip yesterday, except the vomit, which happened on an earlier one. I don't think I could have handled one more incident on our marathon day yesterday! And, my secret, in my bag I carried a little container of Scentsy solid air freshener. When I could no longer handle the smells, I'd stick my head in the bag, take a whiff, and try to imagine pleasant smelling things.

    Have a terrific Labor Day weekend, my good friend! Poor Sush, she might be hearing about accents for a while now...

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  3. Thanks for the laughs this morning!! Sorry those things actually happened to you!! (except the last 2 of course!) Hope those last 2 made it all worth it!! I'm sure those kids will all look at you differently now after being with you so long and seeing you handle all those "situations"!! I'm they will feel a little closer, right?

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  4. LOL sorry about the things kids so to you guys. Yet my desire to be a teacher does not fade away. It could be because of the last two points that you mentioned that the students need to do to show appreciation for their teachers. If you add a few pictures, there is a grea tfun story book of a blog. Thanks !!! Hi, this is Munir over here at Focus.

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  5. Jamie Jo: Looking back now, they really were funny, but it was the longest day I've had in a while. If crackhead person calls me again, I will have to change my phone number.

    The note was very sweet, and I love how they always try to surprise me with something good.

    Hope your Labor Day weekend is terrific!

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  6. :-) You have a wonderful sense of humor, Shelly. I would so have a margarita with you. And guac.

    We'd have those things, wouldn't we?

    Pearl

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  7. Munir: Thank you! And, I'm so glad you want to be a teacher- we really need more who truly do it from the heart. I hope you will end up in the classroom someday. I wish I could add pics of the day, but they didn't let us take any in the museum and I can't post pics of my students. I will see if I can find some the museum has put out and maybe put them in- thanks for the idea-

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  8. Pearl: Thanks! I would love to have the guac with you, and I could imagine a margarita, but I gave those up long ago and have also given up caffeine, sodas, bread, sigh.... but we'd have a grand time anyway!

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  9. Pardon Moi Madame Shelly izz theess accente you speeeeek of zumtheen sterrrange????

    And by the way you are way to young to have had all four of my boys on your field trip! Sorry for that, and my daughter...in the stall??? Ignore that!

    Hugs~

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  10. Sush: You are a riot!!! I am still laughing over that! Ha! And I'm sure your kiddoes would never have done those things- just like mine wouldn't have, either!

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  11. Ah Shelly. I have always pitied teachers and stories like this are the reason. It was hard for me to watch 5 grandchildren, never mind a whole class of kids!
    I remember those class trips and how loud I was and we sang the same song over and over. Someone always threw up. I remember leaving the school group with a girlfriend to venture off on our own and freaking people out. That bathroom incident would be very upsetting! I admire you so much!

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  12. Belle: I'm sure I gave my fair share of trouble when I was their age. And I do believe I aged 10 years in those few seconds in the bathroom. But, all's well that ends well!

    lyndylou: It wasn't as funny yesterday, but it is funny now!

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  13. OMG, Shelly! I know it wasn't funny at the time, but your story is just hysterical! I'm going to share it with a neighbor of mine who is a middle school teacher. There has to be a special place in heaven for you all!

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  14. Ugh! You poor thing! The fart off would be the worst of all the things you mentioned, I think. I also feel badly about the teacher "fully engaged" in bathroom stall. I so hope that wasn't you.

    You are a saint for putting up with middle schoolers in the first place. A field trip goes above an beyond the call of duty.

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  15. Dr. Kathy: I'm sure your neighbor will identify with some of the things in it- I think middle schoolers, no matter where they are from, have certain things in common. Thank you!

    Crystal: The farting thing was grosser than gross. We had to put windows down to air out the bus. And unfortunately, I was that teacher in the stall. I really do love this age; but there are some days that are more challenging than others!

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  16. I could not have done it. Silent farts make me gag. My hat is off to you, and I think your students owe you money or something. They are lucky to have you and others like you.

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  17. Ugh, Shelly - those things are not nice at all! Isn't it amazing what teenagers will get up to, and no doubt they thought it was all hilarious! I certainly don't envy you on that field trip my friend.

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  18. Karen: Ha! Thank you for your kind words. Despite all that, teaching is really rewarding.

    Thisisme: Glad you are home! Yes, it was quite a gross time, but some early teenagers haven't quite developed their common sense yet. I AM very glad the marathon field trip is over!

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  19. I have been on numerous field trips and lots of unique things can happen in the course of a day. You sure gave us all a laugh with these happenings. Have a great rest of the weekend.
    Odie

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  20. Odie: Thanks! Good to have you stop by. Glad to hear your courses are going well-

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  21. Shelly this was soooo funny! I'm still laughing. I hope the crackhead finds their way to someone else's cell soon enough...or forgets their name and your number.

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  22. Sandra: Me, too! I really don't want to have to change my phone number. Thanks for stopping by!

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  23. This was great! It sounds like it was a fun trip- deadly farts and all! Thanks for the laugh. :)

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  24. Kelley: And next year I am going to be checking out your place- Heritage City. Thanks!

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  25. this post reminds me of why, when i get to chaperone field trips, i try to meet the class there rather than ride the bus ... if i have to ride the bus, i make sure to bring gallon size puke bags to "share" with the kids, air freshener, and ear plugs.

    as for the scentsy air spray, i bring it to the nursery (a church class i teach in on sundays - 18 month olds to 3 year olds) and use it quite often to rid the room of the diaper aroma. works WONDERS!!

    ~ jannet

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  26. Jannet: Those are three great essentials- and I think every bus should carry them in the survival pack they have, or pay the adults extra to ride on the bus. And, I love scentsy- I have too much of it, but I never want to run out-

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  27. I am still dying over the tuna mishap...because that happened to me...ok to my teacher. My mom packed me an egg salad sandwich which has the stink factor of like 1823479234 billion. And it was in a paper bag...not those fancy schmanzy eco-friendly insulated containers we have now...and the heat recooked the eggs.
    We drove home chewing on a sulphur fart.
    My teacher?
    Not happy

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  28. Kimberly: Howling with laughter at that one! I can only imagine what it was like and be thankful it wasn't egg salad on my bus!

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  29. Ugh! I do not miss vomit on the bus. There isnt much worse!

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    1. Motherhood on the Rocks: Agreed!!!

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  30. This was so funny. You are one lucky teacher.

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    1. THE SARCASM GODDESS: I especially feel that way on field trips!

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  31. As a teacher, I am back to that sweet memories of mine, thanks for the moments.

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    1. Mini-Projects: And they really are sweet memories. Thank you!

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  32. This list had me laughing so hard! It reminded me of my very own trip to the city with my rural fifth grade class. We thought it was so rude to ignore the homeless grown-ups that were so interested in chatting with us.

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    1. Funny is Family: We are very rural, and I often feel like the Beverly Hillbillies when we show up to places in the big city. It's always an adventure!

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