Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Hijacked

This post is hijacked today, by me. They call me Sweetie, but my cat name is Mayhem.


You see, the lady who usually does this, Shelly, is on an ultra low carb diet right now that made her brain shut down. So while she's over there, slouched down, figuring out what year this is, I'm taking over the post for today.

My story is short and sweet because I've only been on this earth four weeks. I was born a leader. My brothers and sisters take their cues from me. They pretty much believe everything I tell them, which works to my favor. 


We were born in the bar-b-cue pit. Our mom is wild and she thought that would be a safe place for us. I don't hold that against her. It's made me the cat I am today- powerful, wily, and capable of provoking my siblings to subversive acts all designed for one purpose: my amusement.

Just the other day, I got my brother, Smudge (his cat name is Doofus) to do something really funny.

I told him he would see some really neat things if he put his head in a small crack between two pieces of wood in the barn. He did just what I said and it was a thing of great pleasure to see how those humans reacted when they heard his loud crying. Shelly, the one still slouched over there trying to remember her name, dropped her rake and came running so fast she almost fell when she got into the barn. She got my little brother loose (all he had to do was lift his head up and he would have been out), held him close and took him back to where our food pan is. She murmured to him while I chuckled at how easy that was.

Doofus, err, Smudge, pranced back over to me happily. Guess what. Just a little later, I got him to do it again. This time, the big man, who cutting some firewood, threw down his expensive chainsaw and dinged it on a tank while he rushed to get to Doofus. Behind him came running a teenage girl who had just gotten out of her grandma's car. She tripped in her heels and dropped several shopping bags, scattering makeup in the hay. Of course, I was in the background, watching the whole thing, and I laughed so loud at their antics I was afraid they would hear me.

The funniest, though, was just last night. A skunk family came over to visit. I don't like them, but they like our food. I told my brothers and sisters the skunk babies would be fun to play with and have special toys they only bring out for their best friends. My brothers and sisters naturally went over to play. I hung back, just to watch.

My sibs got to playing and jumping on the baby skunks. Those skunks can be poor sports. When they felt my brothers and sisters had too much of the upper hand, they unleashed the worst smell all over them. I, being the puppet master I am, had no part of that action. I did enjoy watching the aftermath.

Now, my mom doesn't want to be near them because they stink.  The humans don't want to be near them because they stink. The only one that gets petted and loved? Me.

Hmmm. Wonder what my next trick will be...

33 comments:

  1. Oh, Sweetie! Cute, cute post. You would be loved to pieces in my back yard. Mind your manners though, because you're growing everyday and what is cute today...well, in three months you might need to find a new tactic.

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  2. Hello guest blogger Sweetie! Pleased to meetcha! Tell Shelly it's Wordless Wednesday and she was very clever for letting you tell your stories for her. You seem to have a Svengali like control over your sibs, little one. It amazes me that you send them off to get into all sorts of jams while you somehow know enough to steer clear. I hope mamma cat doesn't reject the kittens that are now wearing stinky skunk cologne. Have fun, all of you, but stay safe. Remember, you only have nine lives!

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  3. Sweetie, you are so cute! But you have a bit of an "evil" streak in you. You must learn to be kind to your siblings! I can't imagine the horror about the skunk family visit and the aftermath of that!

    Shelly, good luck with the low carb diet! I know after a few days you'll get that energy and brain cells back!

    have a good day!

    betty

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  4. Felt Family: My goal is they start calling me by my real name- Mayhem. I've got a few more tricks up my sleeve. Just wait.

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  6. Shady: I've got plenty of living to do in my nine lives. I plan to squeeze every ounce out of them I can. You humans just don't know the extent of my power!

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  7. Betty: I laughed the whole time! Don't let my pretty little face fool you. There's much going on behind it.

    I will pass on your good wishes to Shelly on the low carb diet once she wipes the glassy stare off her face, closes her mouth, and dabs the drool from her chin.

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  8. Hey - he's a smart one - I have to take some lessons from him. So cute. sandie

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  9. Sandie: I am thinking of engineering my own podcast- Mayhem's Minute. Have to talk with my agent first, though-

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  10. I have been looking for the poster child for Knees and Paws and now I have found you! But here we learn how to be kitty pacifists, which means helping your brothers and sisters!

    Babies are a joy! I miss having some around here:)

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  11. kneesandpaws: Pacifist- ha! I'm a revolutionary! My brothers and sisters are here to entertain me- make no mistakes!

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  12. Oh, little kitty, you are just too cute and funny!!

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  13. Sweetie I am very impressed with your talent to handle all that happens around you in such a fine manner. It will probably take your sibs a long time to catch on so in the mean time you can have all the fun you want to. Take it easy on Shelly though because we really love her a lot.
    Odie in NC

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  14. Odie: I am very mature for my age. I don't think any cat in existence will ever catch up to me. I will take it easy on Shelly once she awakens from her low carb comatose state~

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  15. Oh Sweetie, I love the job that you did blogging while Shelly is dealing with her low carb diet (I already admire her for the job she did last year with her weight). So are you going to be posting more entries untill Shelly is ready ? I love pets who write as I miss Indy (our dog) and Tofu (our cat).
    Are we holding off calling you Mayhem untill you are a little older?

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  16. Munir: I'm just a born writer. I don't know if I'm going to do any more blog posts. I've got some big plans- get the cows to riot, organize the javelinas in Occupy Back Pasture...and, yes, you may call me Mayhem.

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  17. I think the name Mayhem suits you more then Sweetie as you do not sound like a Sweetie....lol

    I bet you are so sweet when the humans are around and you know one day your brothers and sisters will wake up to you and then you better watch out..........lol

    Now you say that Shelly is laid up but is that the truth or have you done something to her.....you can tell me I am a nice human I just love dead cats...........did I just say that no I mean I love cats really I do love them and not just the ones laying on the side of the road........lol

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  18. Hello, Mayhem.
    Wow, how lovely you are♡♡♡
    You said you were born a leader, I think you look quite suit for the job, cutie♬♬♬
    So, take good care of your sibs!!!
    Haha, I've never seen a skunk. But don't be friends with them,
    You ARE LUCKY having mom like my friend Ms. Shelly. Tell her not to push herself too hard for dieting. Love, Miyako*

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  19. Jo-Anne: I have total control over my brothers and sisters. Does it matter that they are bigger than me? That they eat more than me? No! My brain is far superior!

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  20. Orchid: A skunk is far below me and I wouldn't recommend you befriending one, either. Smelly! I shall pass on your kind words to my human, Shelly, once she snaps out of her carb deficiency!

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  21. Devious... so devious. You need to learn a little kindness. Surely Shelley can teach you that?

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  22. Karen: Actually, it is a kindness to take control of my siblings' lives. They could never figure it out on their own. Hmm. Devious might be a good middle name- Mayhem Devious...

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  23. Oh I do know all about those carb deficiencies! My husband just about went off the deep end when he did Atkins. Definitely was NOT a good plan for him. Now Mayhem, err Sweetie you might want to think long and hard before getting around those skunks even if it is 'second hand'. Some of that stank may rub off on you or your sibs may make a run for it and head your way with skunk tails in tow!

    Give Shelly a sweet hello for me and tell her I'm pulling for her!
    Hugs~

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  24. I too am having a hard time remembering my name due to low carb dieting.

    All these pics of fluffy kittens made me smile weakly because I lack the strength and calories to smile broadly at the moment.

    I will certainly call you Mayhem. You're a little genius!

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  25. Sush: We kittens never have to think about carbs. I will consider carefully your warning about the skunks. Most unpleasant creatures. And I will let Shelly know your good wishes, if she ever "comes to".

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  26. Crystal: Mayhem suits me much more than Sweetie. You humans and your dependence on carbs. I don't need them. My superior brain runs at full throttle with or without carbs!

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  27. Sweetie, you are a very spritely little kitty and, may I add, quite the troublemaker. I think you should come over and visit my kitty or, better yet, she should come visit you. She woke me this morning at 3 am by clawing at my head and licking my nose with her sandpaper tongue. I suppose this should've pleased me to no end but I'm also trying to live a low-carb lifestyle and sleep is very important to us silly humans since we can't nap all day like you little bundles of joy, plus my head hurts and my nose now has an attractive red mark on the end of it from her incessant licking. Please tell your silly human caregiver that I like her blog. :)

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  28. Jenn June: I think I would make great friends with your kitty. We superior beings have to stick together, you know. And, I will pass on your nice words to Shelly!

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  29. Well, I am going to call you Sweetie! You sure look like a sweetie. Please tell Shelly her blogger friend Cindy thinks this low carb deficiency must be going around by the comments posted here and her own personal experience with it yesterday. She said she had to delete a blog comment because she referred to hump day as Monday! Imagine! meow meow

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  30. Cindy: I do look innocent, don't I? You poor humans and your obsession with carbs. Mice are high protein/low carb, so I never have to worry. Try my diet sometime-

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  31. Dear Mayhem:
    Tell Shelly I feel her pain. I am in the same spot she is, and she is lucky to have you to post for her. All I have are 4 dogs, and they are all illiterate. :D

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  32. cath: Yes, you are so right about our canine friends. They shall never be able to match cats intellectually, and especially not to moi.

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