Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Fighter

I heard the shouting even before I turned the corner. When I did make the turn, the ring of students tightly clustered around a moving mass on the ground parted slightly,  just enough for me to squeeze through. My stomach did a little lurch.

Two girls writhed on the ground as they scratched, punched, and kicked. One, a long haired girl named Sandra, was on top of the other, pounding her face. The other girl had obviously gotten some licks in herself as Sandra's face was bleeding and some chunks of long, dark hair cluttered the ground.

I yelled at one of the other students to get help and worked to get them separated. The recipient of most of the punishment was crumpled in a ball on the sidewalk by the time I was able to wrest Sandra away. I had to physically place myself in between her and the sobbing girl to keep Sandra from jumping on her again. I bear-hugged Sandra to keep her arms pinned and talked a de-escalating, soothing patter while my heart beat a hysterical tempo inside me.

Sandra spat blood on the ground at my feet and yelled at her opponent, "You f****** b****! Don't you ever talk about me that way again! I'll cut your throat!"

Sandra had transferred into our district to live with grandparents after her mom couldn't handle her anymore in the projects of the big city.There were other incidents with her that year, mostly starting with her taking offense at even the smallest of slights. Outside of school, she took delight in spraying her bangs in the vertical style of a known gang and in wearing the extreme makeup and colors of the girls of that group.

In class, though, if she liked the topic, she was fully engaged and showed a high functioning intellect and an out-of-the-box imagination. If she thought the topic boring, she stared sullenly ahead, chin on her fist.

We thought we'd made progress with Sandra, but then she became pregnant in 8th grade and moved to live with her boyfriend and his family. They eventually married and had another baby girl in addition to their first born son.

I saw her several times in the ensuing years. She seemed to have mellowed, to have dropped some of the anger she cloaked herself in, but was still caught in poverty and abuse according to what she confided to me one time when she visited me after school.

"I never thought, I just never thought I'd end up like my mom," she shook her head. "You'd think I'd know better. I have to get myself out of this. I just don't know how." Of her rage and speed to fight, she added, "I need to learn to take my fight to the right places. All my life I've been fighting against the wrong things."

We talked of the options she had, and she always asked me to pray with her, which I did. I wasn't the only one she was talking with. Others also built her confidence; fed her dreams.

Honestly, I didn't have much hope for her ever realizing the fullness of the gifts that lay within her. I lost track of her until a year or so ago when she found me on Facebook. I was thrilled that she'd gotten her GED, was almost finished with college, and had gotten out of her abusive marriage. She was planning big things for the future.

Then, last night,  I received this email from her.

Dear Mrs. M.,

I'm so thankful to have had you and the others in my life who have believed in me, even when there wasn't anything to believe in but a hope. I have a favor to ask. I'm applying to several graduate schools for my master's degree. I would be so grateful if you could write me a letter of recommendation...


Thanks!
Sandra

Sandra is one who found the right arena for her fight.

60 comments:

  1. Oh, Shelly, this warms my heart. As my brother says, "It costs nothing to give people hope."

    You made a difference in someone's life. There should be a badge to sew to your teacher-ly jacket...

    Pearl

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    1. Pearl: As much as Id like to take credit, there were other folks who had a hand in this and Sandra herself, who is amazingly strong.

      I love the "teacher-ly jacket"!

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  2. Best post written today on any blog, anywhere. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Thank you also for being "that" teacher to so many! Have you read Wednesday Wars? One of my favorites! When I think of Mrs. Baker, I see you.

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    1. Nancy: Sandra is such an inspiration. You are so sweet- I haven't read Wednesday Wars, but it's going on my Kindle now~

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    2. Can't wait to hear what you think of it! It really is on my top five favorites list. I read it aloud to my older girls last year and they laughed at me when I would get so choked up I couldn't read, but they loved it too!

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    3. Nancy: Ok, now I'm having to move it to the top of my list- can't wait to get to it!

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  3. I was holding my breath as I read this, Shelly, because a few of your other stories about troubled youth offered hope but ended in tragedy. I was elated to discover that this story ended on an upswing with every reason to believe that Sandra has successfully put her past behind her. Other persons of authority can learn from your example. When violence erupted you boldly intervened. With adrenaline pumping you managed to practice restraint in dealing with an explosive situation. You were compassionate. You recognized Sandra as an underachiever with the potential to turn her life around. You followed through by being there for her when she needed you most. You turned a sad song into a happy refrain. I am proud of you, dear friend!

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    1. Shady: It's so great to report a wonderful outcome. Thank you for your kind words, but Sandra herself deserves most of this credit and there are other adults who really had a hand in this, too. Thank you, my friend!

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  4. You are indeed fortunate. Most people don't ever see the results of the seeds of hope they scatter. You are one of the lucky few. So is she.

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    1. Stephen: I wish everyone had an opportunity, as you put it so well, to see the results of the seeds they scatter.

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  5. What a beautiful story of hope. This really touched my heart.

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    1. Say What: She is a great example for so many kids!

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  6. That is so cool - must make you feel good! sandie

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  7. I loved this post, Shelly! What a difference a teacher can make if she listens, sees the intelligence and spirit and hope inside a troubled student and encourages the student in a positive direction. I understand that Sandra had a strong, fighting spirit and keen intelligence. And there were others who encouraged her as well. But this triumph belongs to all of you. Bless you for the hope you gave this young woman!

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    1. Dr. Kathy: Thank you! I am as excited about this now as I was when I first got the email. It's terrific!

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  8. I, like Tom, was holding my breath as the story unfolded. As another said, it was the best post I've read in some time on any blog and I so appreciate you sharing it with us. It is heart warming to read something positive. Thanks.

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    1. Odie: Thank you, my friend- it is wonderful to see an outcome like this!

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  9. It must really make you feel good to know that she has turned her life around, I was happy to read a good ending to this story.

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    1. Jo-Anne: I am so very happy for her- she's really turned her life around.

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  10. Bless you for sticking with Sandra. Through you and others who convinced her to have faith, a life has been set aright.

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    1. vanilla: I'm sure you've seen many of these rewarding stories in your career- nothing like it!

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  11. Dearest Shelly,
    What a wonderful story and I can share the feeling a bit of your happiness to know how Sandra doing after you had that kind of relationship. I was elated as well. (haha, thaks to Mr, Shady. I liked this word) Although I am just a tutor at home, personally nothing gives me more pleasure to see or have contact with my former studets .
    And how wonderful that she found you through Facebook, what a benefit that site gave you. Haha, definitely the 'pros' part♡♡♡
    Thank you very much for the heartwarming story.

    Love you always, xoxo Miyako*

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    1. Orchid: I am so very happy for Sandra and the success of her good choices for herself. And you, my dear friend, are anything but just a tutor- you are an amazing teacher and if I loved in Japan, I would hope you could give me lessons in learning Japanese!

      Thank you for stopping by, dear friend Miyako!

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  12. Oh Shelly; so glad to see the outcome of this story was such a great one; she is indeed a fighter in the right arena. My heart did a flip flop when I was reading she was pregnant in eighth grade......but to see the "rest of the story" so to speak. I'm sure she will continue to do great in her life and career! Isn't it amazing when we take the time to encourage and to pray (and I'm sure she was in your prayers not only when she asked for them) how God works "wonders" in lives like this?? Very nice story! Thanks for sharing it!

    betty

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    1. Betty: It's almost a sure sentence of lifetime poverty and worse when someone makes the choices she did. Yet, she consistently began to make the right choices and activate her faith in God, and good things began to happen~

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  13. Really heartwarming story about Sandra, and how happy you must feel to know how well she's doing for herself. Thank the Lord that she had the courage to know that she was on the wrong road, and was able to get herself out of the mess that she was in. Without the encouragement of people like yourself, Shelly, she wouldn't have done it. It must be wonderful to really make a difference in someone's life like that. Great post!

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    1. Thisisme: She's turned the tide not only for herself, but for her kids, too. One person's choices can positively or negatively affect generations to come, and I'm so very happy the future is so bright for them now!

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  14. A truly inspiring victory for this girl's life. Sometimes the most devastating circumstances can bring forth amazing resolve and determination. What she really wanted, at the core of her being, was to be respected. She must have learned along the way that to respect yourself deep inside is the best solution we have. Then, the doors will open.

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    1. Jenny: Now that she has let that crucible of her younger years forge something wonderful in her, she is going to do wonderful things. She wants to be a counselor, and she will be able to offer such insight to those she meets.

      You are so right- she finally learned to respect herself and that is the key to it all.

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  15. It must be so rewarding as a teacher to know that you make a difference in someone's life. My mom was also a teacher and you remind me a lot of her. (A compliment, I promise!) I remember one day she bought one of her students a pair of $70 shoes because his family couldn't afford it. Later, this same student stole our mini van, took it for a joy ride to rob a gas station and then crashed into some parked cars. He was put in jail, and even though my mom was very hurt, she went to visit this kid in jail because no one would come to visit him.

    I always tell my son who is afraid of school because of bullies--"you can become a teacher and help stop those bullies!" You never know the influence you make in someone's life just by reaching out to show you care.

    Good for you, you are such a good teacher and go the extra mile!

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    1. Becky: Bless your mom- I love to hear stories of teachers like her. I know what she did for him must have really opened his eyes. Talk about planting seed in someone- there is going to be a great harvest with that fellow!

      And bravo for you in encouraging your son. His perspective could help so many kids~

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  16. chills ran down my spine after reading this!!! what a beautiful story, an so inspiriting!! Thank God she chose life.
    I am thinking about your sister everyday.

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    1. Annmarie Pipa: Thank you so much for your thoughts about my sister every day. She's having more tests, including a heart cath done today and they'll go from there.

      And I am so very thankful Sandra chose life, too. When I think of how that could have turned out so differently...

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  17. Dear Shelly, ... what are the words to describe this posting? Inspiring? Redemptive? Hopeful? Faith-filled? All of these and yet the word that comes to my mind is "metanoia." (I hope I've spelled it correctly.) It is a Greek word that means "life changing" event or happening. The change from one way of being to another.

    What a blessing that your life touched Sandra's and her life touched yours. There is mystery here and wonder.

    Peace.

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    1. Dee: I love that word. I love how it sounds, what it means and what it embodies. Truly, that is Sandra. Thank you for sharing it with me today!

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  18. I signed into Internet Explorer to see if this works....

    You are such an inspiration to other teachers!! What a wonderful thing to see the fruits of your labors....to see that good come out of it all...makes it all worth it doesn't it?

    Thanks for sharing Shelly!!

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    1. Jamie: It is an amazing reward and blessing to see such good come from her. It really does make the other hard things that come with this job not so bad!

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  19. Yay, it worked!! Now, do I need to switch from Google Chrome back to Internet Explorer?

    It's Google Chrome that is giving me the problems, not keeping me signed in to things!
    (just a fyi)

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    1. This is good to know- Chrome is the culprit~

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  20. Woohoo Miss Shelly, this post did my heart good!!! It's so great to read of this young woman. 'Just goes to show ya, we never know what will come of the seeds we sow.

    I'm so glad she had ya in her life as a guindin' beacon. I bet this is one letter your thilled to write.

    God bless ya and have fantastic day!!! :o)

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    1. Nezzy: I know you saw many of those success stories in your career, too. Isn't it grand? We can never discount or get tired of sowing those seeds~

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  21. Like Shady and Odie, I was holding my breath in anticipation. What a wonderfully happy ending!! That's Good Stuff. :)

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    1. Jenn June: I just found this comment in the spam folder- I guess blogger is doing some weird things today. Thank you for stopping by and answering again when it looked like it was gone~

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  22. I left a comment but I think blogger ate it.

    I think I said...Like Shady and Odie, I was holding my breath in anticipation. What a wonderfully happy ending!! That's Good Stuf! :)

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    1. Jenn June: It's the best ending I could have imagined for her!

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  23. Oh WOW... that just makes every bad day not so bad, doesn't it? Good work (yours and everyone else's) on her behalf made such a difference. Sometimes it's almost impossible but we can never give up. Never.

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    1. Karen: You're right- we just can't afford to give up on anyone, even when it looks bad.

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  24. What a wonderful story! I love that. How awesome that you were a part of her journey. I can only imagine how many lives you have touched in person, since you touch so many on-line!

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    1. Kelley: You're so kind- her story still has me jumping! I wish they all had outcomes like this~

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  25. Shelly. awesome story! :) I am now following you. I am part of the Sweet Tea on FB and so wandered over here to say hi!

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    1. melody-mae: Thank you! I am headed over to your blog now~

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  26. I liked the part where you prayed with her. A change of heart is a blessing.
    You are a special special person..I can tell. You are a giver. I give you hugs across the bloggy land.

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    1. Christine: Awww- thank you! You are very kind. Sandra truly realizes her blessings now and she says she plans to make the most of them~

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  27. It just goes to show, life is never too late. I am thrill to read that Sandra learned to turn her life around. May God bless her and may she learn to turn to Him and let Him lead her from now on. xxxx

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    1. Crystal Mary: Yes, bless her heart- I agree~

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  28. What a story! She must be a powerful character indeed. Good on her.

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  29. Jenny: She has the heart of a lion. I am so very proud of her~

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  30. Wow...if more kids had teachers like you we'd have a better world for sure. I'm so grateful you were there to pray and bring light to her life.
    Hugs~

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    1. Sush: I'm so very proud of that girl and her inner strength. I can't wait to see how the next years unfold for her~

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