Monday, June 24, 2013

My First Annual Education Awards

The time has come for the *drumroll* First Annual Education Awards. Some deserve applause, some deserve scrutiny, and some deserve to just be taken as a warning.

1. Most Unique Names I've Encountered in Teaching

Female: Aqua Net, spelled just like the hairspray.

Male: Huevos, which in Spanish is a double meaning word. Its regular meaning is eggs, which is how this scrambled egg loving boy picked up his nickname in early toddler-hood. However, huevos is also a well known slang word for male body parts.

Everyone, including his parents, called him Huevos. HE asked to be called Huevos. I, though, could only bring myself to call him by his given name. My history of inappropriate laughter would have made an appearance at some point during the school year had I called him by the nickname.

Honorable Mention: A science teacher who was a colleague my first years of teaching, Mr. Boobie admirably weathered many giggles about his name at the beginning of each school year.


2. Longest Field Trip, Ever

Four hours away from school, after a day at the zoo with the entire middle school (all 76 students and teachers) packed into one bus, a student took ill and we had to divert to an ER. With no other place late at night to house all the 6th, 7th, and 8th graders but the bus in the hospital parking lot,  and directed by admin to wait with the student at the ER until parents could drive the four hours to get there, we used every trick in our exhausted arsenal to keep the restless middle schoolers entertained.

This field trip is still memorialized in solemn tones by new teachers the way the landing at Normandy is revered by soldiers.


3. Best Saving of a Life During a Faculty Meeting

An administrator regularly awed by his own talents demonstrated the use of the new laminating machine. While the two cylinders slowly rolled laminating film under him, he continually cautioned that we needed to always pay attention while using it as he did not want any more workman's comp claims.

He suddenly coughed and his face turned red as his head ducked lower. A quick thinking aide jumped up and with a giant pair of scissors speedily clipped off  the bottom 2/3 of his tie that was scrolling through the laminator rolls. The plaid tie came out neatly laminated on the other side even as the faculty erupted in applause for the aide and the irony.


4. Most Novel Approach to a Bomb Threat

My first year of teaching, the fire drill signal interrupted the early morning routines. All classes filed out to the football field. Once there, an administrator spoke to each teacher quietly. "We've had a bomb threat phoned in. The kids will stay here on the field with us, but you go back into your rooms and look for anything unusual, you know, anything that looks like a bomb. If you see something that looks like a bomb, come back out and tell us."


5.  Most Unusual Injury

A new teacher with a classroom near mine was young, cute, and sweet, but sometimes threw common sense to the wind. In the workroom one morning before school, she lamented the wrinkles on the front of her white linen blouse. Her face brightened when she remembered she had a travel iron in her car and scurried out to get it before the first bell rang.

A bit later the nurse rushing past me to the new teacher's room caused me to follow. There, the young teacher sheepishly explained she hadn't thought to take the blouse OFF before she ironed out the wrinkles.


I will be out of town later this week, my friends, and I do not know if I will have Wifi. I will catch up with you all next week, though, if I don't. I hope you find all the wonderful things you deserve this week!





            

              

84 comments:

  1. This is hilarious!!! My favorite story is the one with the tie getting caught in the laminator!

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    1. menopausal mama: It sure didn't take any of the wind out of his sails, though!

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  2. Hi, Shelly! You accumulated enough funny stories during your career to write a book and you should. I remember a young female teacher at my school who resembled Joan on Mad Men. Her name was Miss Hott. Need I say more? Thank you for the smiles and laughs again today. I hope you enjoy your trip and come back with more fodder to share on your blog. Have a great week, dear friend Shelly!

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    1. I agree, this stuff is too good to not get published!

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    2. Shady: Ohh, poor Miss Hott! I hope, if she got married, she gained a more innocuous name. I can imagine she was the talk of the school! Thank you, friend, and hope your week is terrific~

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    3. Linda: Ha! And there are more where these came from...

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  3. Love it! I think the guy who laminated his tie should be nicknamed "Mr. Boobie." Those were funny, and I can't imagine how it must have been getting to spend such quality time with the kids at the ER!!!! Lucky you! I look forward to hearing more stories.

    Have a great trip!

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    1. Nonnie: Oh, that would have been a perfect name for him- he had such a high opinion of himself that contrasted radically with his actual output. For as long as I live, I will never, EVER forget that field trip...

      Thank you!

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  4. Please tell me that laminated tie was framed and hung in the teacher's lounge. Maybe next to the (fill in the blank) Days Since Last Accident safety sign.

    Aqua Net? What a stand up gal!

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    1. Amy: Ha! I wish we had thought of that, although knowing him, he would have taken it down immediately. And of course, he later said the tie thing was not his fault and actually called the company to complain about their "defective" machine.

      Oh, she was quite the stand up gal, that Aqua Net! I did hear another teacher tell that she had a student named Pantene~

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  5. These are great! I have to know what you and the other teachers said when you were told to go back in your classrooms and look for bombs. I would have laughed at the administrator and said, Call the bomb squad. They exist for a reason.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Janie: I was a dumb, naive, 22 year old first year teacher then, and let the older teachers speak for me. They really lit up that admin with their opinions of his request!

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    2. Janie: The admins didn't pull that again!

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing these! I especially love the laminated tie, but they are all so funny! I admire people whose patiently smile for the jokes about their names that they KNOW are coming because they've heard it all, a thousand times ... parents should really think about how other people are going to treat their kids when they're choosing a name (although there's nothing to be done about a surname) :)

    Have a good trip, Shelly! Hope you're enjoying the early days of your retirement!

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    1. jenny_o: I so felt for Mr. Boobie, but he was an older man and had probably heard the comments his whole life. I admired him for keeping his name. And there are some parents I just want to say to, "Really???"

      And thank you, friend!

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  7. Thanks for showing the fun side of being a teacher, fun, that is, if you're blessed with your sense of humor.

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    1. Stephen: Sometimes it was either laugh or go crazy!

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  8. Oh have a great time while out of town.

    Mr. Boobie poor guy, I hope there is no Mrs Boobie.
    Iron a blouse while on ouch.
    Poor tie cut what a quick thinker thank goodness..
    I cannot believe the bomb checking thing I hope you got danger pay.
    Sorry my phone rang I am back:)
    I think that many hours on a bus with that age of students would require danger pay or sanity pay.
    You made me laugh. Thank you. B

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    1. Buttons: Thank you! I'm looking forward to the trip. And danger pay...not a bad idea at all! (Mr. Boobie was single, at least for the time I knew him, probably a good thing.)

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  9. Hi Shelly. Doh! Not very clever to iron a blouse whilst you're still wearing it! Ouch! I agree, you should write your memoirs about your time as a teacher. It would make for very entertaining reading! Loved the story about the tie.

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    1. thisisme: She ended up with second degree burns on her chest! Ouch is right. I hope she learned a common sense lesson in all of that. Thank you, my friend!

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  10. Those are some interesting stories! I think everybody should've gotten a t-shirt that said, "I survived the world's longest field trip!"

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    1. Sherry: Now that would be been a great idea, and at least some recompense for that field trip that almost never ended!

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  11. I love all of your stories here, Shelly, but the one that leaves me breathless is the longest field trip ever! OMG! I have no words. No wonder it -- and those who were there -- have become legend!

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    1. Dr. Kathy: The kids from that trip are now adults and THEY still talk about it. Oh my. It makes me weary just thinking about it!

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  12. And I only had the Kelly Greens and Peter Rabbitts (who, by the way, said his parents were a riot. He had a brother named Jack and a sister named Bunny.)

    Do have a wonderful week!

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    1. vanilla: Oh, my, those Rabbitts! My mom taught a Liberty Bell and a Justin Case. I suppose names can help forge a strong character~

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  13. The ironing the shirt with it one cracked me up really it sounded like something a man would do..........now that school trip would had left a lasting memory in the minds of the kids.....

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    1. Jo-Anne: That field trip is forever seared into my mind, and I know those kids who are now adults still talk about it, too! That poor girl who ironed herself...I hope she learned.

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  14. Ah, the world of education is a lot of things, but boring it is not!!!

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    1. Bossy Betty: That is for certain!

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  15. HA! Truth, stranger than fiction! I loved them all, but sending the teachers to look for a bomb, was amazing! GREAT post Shelly!

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    1. Pat: That was almost 30 years ago, before too many took those threats very seriously, but I guess we were cheaper than calling in the bomb squad!

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  16. OMG! I almost spit out my coffee--more than once!! ;)

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  17. I don't knkow which is funniest! Going back in to search for the bomb might be tops for me.

    It took a second or two to figure out the body parts that relate to Huevos's name. I'm guessing the two round parts that our male creatures are born with. :)

    EnJoy your time away!

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  18. Anita: Yes, it is precisely those two parts. I just couldn't call him that!

    That bomb threat check would never fly in this day and age!

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  19. Thank God they deal with bomb threats a lot differntly nowadays! Enjoyable read, as ever. The funniest name I ever came across was someone I was in shows with. His surname was Lillicrap. Seriously!

    Enjoy your week out of town :-)

    xx Jazzy

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    1. jazzygal: Good grief- I spewed my water! Lillicrap!!! Ah, thank you, friend~

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  20. Have a great time on your time off! That is some crazy stuff (including the bomb check. What the?)

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    1. Lydia: 30 years ago they weren't as alarmed about such things as they are now. I wish they would have been, though! Thank you~

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  21. Fun post! Enjoyed it, Shelly! Have a nice time!

    Nas

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  22. I have the deepest sympathy with all those middle schoolers on the bus waiting for their parents - you deserve a medal!

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    1. Chatty Crone: All I could sat at the end was, "Never again!!!"

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  23. Aqua Net??? Are you serious? that is even worse than that poor little baby being named "North West" - check the kardashian/ Kanye West mess. UGGHHH. :) Have a good rest of the week.

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    1. Marsha: My mom taught a Liberty Bell and a Justin Case. I still think the worst is Kim's baby- some parents shouldn't be allowed to name their kids. Hope you are feeling better!

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  24. #s 3 and 4 are my favorites. Y'all have some of the BEST blog posts. What stories and what memories. Oh and the last one, just made me roll. What a hoot.

    Enjoy your trip. Hope you're feeling up to it and no overnight hospital stays this time!! Okay?

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    1. HOOTIN ANNI: That poor girl- she had second degree burns on her chest, but she still didn't gain too much common sense from it. Thank you! I am feeling better and have decided I do not want to visit a hospital for our vacation!

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  25. Mr. Boobie...would not be able to say that and not laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh...till tears rolled down my eyes. But, my sense of humor is silly that way!

    You are a trooper...middle school kids are crazy!

    A girl I graduated with was named Anita Pusc (last name pronounced (puss).tough one.

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    1. Christine: I have that same sense of humor which erupts when I least expect it, so I had to work hard to keep the meaning of the name out of my mind.

      And Anita...oh, poor girl!!!

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  26. Being a teacheer does give you a chance to collect an arsenal of good jokes and funny names. I still remember a young man from Japan named Noritaka Takata.

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    1. Lorna: That name actually has a catchy beat to it!

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  27. Teachers, cops, court reporters: all tell the greatest stories.

    Pearl

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    1. Pearl: Since those three are often the most underpaid of society's servants, great stories are a small recompense~

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  28. Oh, my gosh Shelly!! The stories you've lived through!!! I loved the first one best...the names, Mr Boobie and Huevos....Now why in the world would the Boobies keep that name? There had to be a mistake somewhere in that lineage, right? A common name here in MN is "Fuchs" pronounced you know how.

    That bomb thing...now that we are much more experienced with bombs, (sad to say) I hope they would not advise that to the teachers!

    The tie guy, I laugh just thinking about it. Poor guy.

    Have a great time away!!

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    1. Jamie: We have a Fuchs family down here, but they pronounce it Fox. You Minnesotans!

      And I'm forever grateful the man I fell in love with and married was not named Boobie!

      Sadly, the tie guy actually lost two fingers when he was using one of the shop's table saws after school hours a few years later. Mr. Safety, he was not.

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  29. Dear Shelly, I hope you do more of these "awards." The following analogy/comparison just tickled my fancy: "This field trip is still memorialized in solemn tones by new teachers the way the landing at Normandy is revered by soldiers." The bomb threat award had me shaking my head in bemusement. So teachers are to "fall on the sword" as the military say! Peace.

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  30. Dee: The bomb check thing didn't horrify me as much when I was a first year teacher as it does now. Good grief!

    And that epic field trip- oh my. We kept saying, "Well, it can't get any worse," and then it would.

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  31. I do love hearing all the funny things you've encountered during your career. You could probably write a book. *do it, do it, do it*

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    1. Karen: :) There are definitely many to choose from!

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  32. Dearest Shelly,
    So many unusual or unexpected things happened during your career♬♬♬ As others said, I also think your memoir would be a wonderful book, my friend♡♡♡ I wonder if you took note for these p;)
    I feel so sorry for the burn from ironing the young lovely teacher had. This accident or her bad luck which her lack of common sense caused, I blamed myself a bit having a smile, haha.

    I DO hope you are out of town for having wonderful leisure time after retirement♡♡♡

    Sending you lots of love and hugs from Japan, xoxo Miyako*

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    1. Orchid: There was definitely a fair share of weird things in my teaching career, my dear friend! I did feel for that teacher, as she ended up with second degree burns on her chest, but she laughed often about it later.

      And thank you! I am headed out of town right now. I hope your dad is doing better-

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  33. Teachers are on the front lines of our society. They might be the first to check for bombs or the first to shield children from gunfire. While that notion of sending the teachers in to check struck me as funny (shouldn't the administrators do that?) it tells a truth: during your career, you were entrusted with thousands of lives.

    As soon as they entered the classroom, it became your responsibility to keep them safe as well as to grow their minds. The enormous responsibility of that is overlooked. It just doesn't register when people think of the word "teacher."

    Enjoy your time of recharge and travel my friend!

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    1. Jenny: And that in loco parentis is something every teacher I know feels very deeply. There's not a one who wouldn't hesitate in placing herself/ himself in between danger and a child. It's one of the things that made me so very proud to be a teacher.

      Thank you, my friend- so glad you all are back!

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  34. These were all so entertaining! I like that there's a "Best" saving a life story. Good he wanted to demonstrate how dangerous the laminator can be!

    Um, I would not go back into the building to check for bombs.

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    1. Theresa: I guess they considered teachers their most expendable commodity. Argh!

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  35. That was super!

    I loved the field trip story! When I was a teacher our bus drivers went on strike for 6 or 9 weeks. It was a night mare. We (teachers, aids, admin) had to watch the kids before and after school. Some of those poor babies were there from 6:30 in the morning until 7 at night. Coming up with ways to entertain them was a nightmare!

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    1. Sharon: Oh,my head hurt just thinking of your situation! Good grief!!!

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  36. Those sneaky laminating machines, making people look foolish. You just know they do it on purpose ;P

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    1. Kellie: Especially those with already bloated egos!

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  37. Weird names although to them they must be used to it.

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    1. Simone: Bless their hearts- I hope so!

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  38. I have often thought that teacher's probably have the best collection of stories to tell. This post proves it. And this is probably only the tip of the iceberg. Right?

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    1. Optimistic Existentialist: Only the very top of the tip!

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  39. Mr. Boobie. Awesome. I once worked with someone named Lasagna. Everyone called her by her last name, though, which was a very normal, ho-hum surname, luckily for her.

    Enjoy your trip out of town! Relax and have fun. :-)

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    1. Janette: Although people don't have much control of their surnames, some parents need to be accountable for the names they give their kids. Lasagna makes me wonder if they fell in love with the melodic sound of the syllables or if they really liked the dish!

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  40. This is one of the reasons I read blogs. For the hope of stumbling on something this unique and fun to read.

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  41. Oh.MY. Goodness. Working in an office supply store, the laminating one was my fave!

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    1. Jeanette: He has yet to live that one down!

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  42. Aqua Net was so good to me in the 80s, I might consider naming my child after it. That or White Rain.

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    1. Missed Periods: They do both have a lyrical quality to them...

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